Many of us struggle with how to handle those back and forth relationships in our lives. Hot then cold. Close then contentious. Loving then antagonistic. These relationships can be a regular source of stress, confusion and frustration. Well, there is a secret sauce here. Something that can turn down the volume on the chaos: expectations.
The bad news:
When we are dealing with Borderline, we are dealing with a pervasive pattern of perceiving the world. What this means at the most basic level? It is very hard to shake. A family member struggling with untreated Borderline will feel the pull to reframe your actions as abandonment. This doesn’t mean they will give in to that pull, nor does it mean they will act on it…but probably they will. 😕 (This is where personal choice (and treatment!) step in.)
(Note, if you are struggling with this yourself, there are things you can do about it. Your disorder does not define you. Contact me and let’s talk.)
The good news:
The border line!* Ok maybe that news doesn’t sound all that good to you. But, in light of the bad news, this makes the difference between a relationship of nothing but pain all the time and a relationship that goes through seasons. The stereotypical caricature of Borderline Personality Disorder is “I love you! I hate you!”, and this means that sometimes we’re in the “I love you!” season!
In my experience, these individuals have an incredible capacity to connect! They are highly intuitive and emotionally aware. While they could certainly use some cognitive and emotional healing and self-awareness (this can be acquired), they are already equipped to feel deeply connected to others and the world around them. Odds are, they know what you’re feeling before you do!
This is a season of intimacy^, affection and closeness. Enjoy it!
So, adjust your expectations, and you may find you are not so thrown by the back and forth of Borderline. There will be hard times, and there will be pleasant times. Keep this in mind, and you will be prepared for the hard and open for the pleasant…
And, as much as I hate to put the cliff hanger here of all places. We’ll save the warning label for next week…
I’m Adam Cluchey, and we are raising consciousness..
*This is not actually what the word ‘borderline’ is referring to in it’s original usage, but I find it helpful here – so there.
^Not necessarily in the romantic sense