My answer: In my opinion, John’s identity in Christ establishes and maintains his value. If that’s a little too “churchy” for you, then here’s what I mean: John is letting Jill get under his skin and Jill might not even know it! Because John’s value does not depend on Jill, John can choose to receive or reject whatever comes out of Jill’s mouth. If you could choose, wouldn’t you take in the good and reject the bad? John didn’t.
This self-mutilation is not just John’s problem. We’re all guilty of giving others too much power over us from time to time. In those moments, remind yourself that God gets first dibs on declaring your worth, and He doesn’t leave room for debate (no matter what Jill thinks).